Can Gratitude Make You Happier?
“I’ll be happy when I have x amount of money.”
“I’ll be happy when I get promoted at work.”
“I’ll be happy once I’m married.”
“I’ll be happy once I have kids.”
“I’ll be happy when I move homes.”
“I’ll be happy when I lose x lbs.”
“I’ll be happy when I achieve x.”
Does any of this sound familiar? We sometimes get stuck in this, “I’ll be happy when” thinking, and it’s a rather treacherous place to be. When we do things for joy, rather than out of joy, we are missing the point. If we live from our centre, which is joyful already, then we will naturally do things out of joy rather than be on a quest to achieve joy.
The trouble with the “I’ll be happy when” mindset, is that “when” may never come. “When” may not be what we expect it to be if and when it does come. “When” might come and then we realize it’s not what we wanted after all. If we chase the “when” or the next thing, we miss out on everything that we already have and everything along the way.
Photo by Gina Spinelli Photography
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“The reason you want every single thing you want is because you think you will feel really good when you get there. But, if you don’t feel really good on your way to there, you can’t get there. You have to be satisfied with what-is while you’re reaching for more.” - Abraham-Hicks
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Gratitude is at the heart of joy. Gratitude allows us to be in our joy along the journey. Gratitude can change the most challenging times into our greatest achievements. When we can see the lesson in the challenge, we can be more and extend our own growth.
How to Practice Gratitude
Practicing gratitude doesn’t need to be a giant change in your life. It’s a small change that we repeat again and again.
Maybe, over time, you will develop a gratitude journal and that will become a part of your routine. To start, maybe you just begin to notice a little more.
Notice how it feels to hold a warm cup of tea.
Notice how it feels to laugh with friends.
Notice how it feels to get into a clean and comfortable bed.
Notice how it feels when you move your body in a way that serves you.
Notice the beauty around you, no matter how simple.
See everything as though you are seeing it for the first time.
Sunset over Playa Maderas in Nicaragua
1. Create Your Practice
How you choose to practice is much less important than the action of doing it. Perhaps you’ll write a gratitude list on a chalkboard at home. Maybe you’ll select a journal where you’ll note down that which you’re grateful for. Maybe you’ll say it to yourself in the mirror. Maybe you’ll use an app like Gratitude.
Again, the way you choose to practice is much less important than the fact that you are practicing. Allow the existence of the practice to be the focus.
2. Make a Habit of It
Up next in importance is to bring your gratitude practice into your routine. Of course it’s wonderful to practice gratitude anytime, though what’s most important is to make a habit of it. This way, we continue to practice through the hard times rather than only when it’s easy to find loads to be grateful for.
Whether you choose to do it first thing in the morning, as a break halfway through your day, or before you get into bed in the evening, try to keep it consistent. As you’re getting going on this, you might find it helpful to set a reminder. This could be on your phone, a post-it note on your bathroom mirror, or any other system that will work for you. Try a few options and see what sits best.
Gratitude journaling in Sauble Beach, ON
3. Freedom to Repeat
Some days will be easier than others, no doubt. Some days you’ll have heaps coming to mind and others you may struggle to come up with even one thing.
It’s okay.
Choose something simple.
Let it be a repeat from the previous day if need be.
The most important piece is that you choose something. However simple it may be, allow it to ring true.
4. Share it With Others
People looove talking about gratitude! (Probably because it makes us all feel so darn good, right?!). So why not share your gratitude list every once in awhile? Not only does it hold you accountable, you might also inspire someone else out there to start their own gratitude practice. The ripple effect is powerful and you are a part of it.
5. Extend the Practice
Now that you’re a pro at practicing gratitude, keep pushing yourself. Keep going with it. Keep finding gratitude through the challenges.
It’s not easy all the time (obviously), hence why it is a practice. For all of us.
I encountered this myself recently. While travelling in a foreign country, I was feeling frustrated with the lack of consistency of transportation. I couldn’t seem to get where I needed to go in the time I wanted to do it. I felt the frustration building. Then, I chose to become the observer. I noticed how I was feeling in that moment and it wasn’t great. Not exactly how I wish to feel.
So, I came to my own practice. I shifted my perspective. I found gratitude for the opportunity to practice patience and understanding.
Of course this is just one example of how we can use gratitude to shift our perspective, which in turn can shift our mood. The more we practice, the more we grow.
This practice of noticing, of observing, will allow you to develop your gratitude practice. If you start by simply noticing all the amazing moments and beauty, you can give thanks for them. This makes it easier to give thanks for the challenges, in time, as well. Maybe there was a time you went for a job that you really wanted and didn’t get it. It’s easy to fall into being disappointed, upset, even angry. With gratitude as the focus, can you be thankful for the experience? Can you be thankful for the feeling of truly knowing what you wanted (even if you didn’t get it, that time)?
The practice grows as we do and we grow as the practice does.
What About Life’s Challenges?
You might be thinking, “Okay, maybe I can start to think of some things that I’m grateful for, but what about all the struggles in life? What about all the times I didn’t get something which I felt I deserved? What about all the times I’ve been mistreated? What about all the loss I’ve suffered? Can this practice really make me happier?”
I’m not here to tell you whether life is fair or not, and am certainly not here to downplay any of the very real challenges which you likely have faced. I will ask you though, what would happen if you allowed yourself to feel the emotions associated with the challenges, and then shifted your focus? Still creating the space for gratitude, through the challenges.
Maybe through this we’ll find strength. Maybe through this we’ll appreciate our circumstances a little more (even just pieces of them, if that’s as much as we can do at times). Maybe through this we’ll learn that what’s meant for us can never pass us by; so, certain failures are actually blessings. Maybe through this we’ll guide our energy to focus on beautiful times rather than sad ones.
Each challenge we face gives us space to expand, to grow, to soften - towards ourselves and towards others. Take these challenges as opportunities, through your gratitude practice.
Practice Gratitude, Return to Your Centre
The practice of gratitude helps us remove the tensions, release the excess, and go deeper into our joy. Joy is already at our centre. It is our nature. We need not do anything to achieve this, other than remove the layers above, at times.
The more that we practice gratitude, the more we know this to be true. The more we know how it feels to be at our centre, and contrarily, how it feels to be lost in the frustration of the moment, the more we can invite ourselves to return to our centre, more quickly.
Allow yourself to reframe your thoughts as many times as you need. Allow yourself to shift your perspective time and time again. Allow yourself to be grateful. Grateful for the joys, grateful for the moments, grateful for the challenges, grateful for all the pieces which make up your life.
